Pouty Lips

Friday night. San Francisco. I'm meeting up with some of the boys from the PU101 crew to do a little hidden camera filming action. On my way I meet up with my wing and fellow instructor, Joe (Hurricane). First stop: Project SF. We have to get a new camera together so that we can have a couple of crews running around on any given night. After Daniel finished getting the camera set up, and we formulated a game plan; we were off like some kids that just won a Halloween candy store shopping spree. The biggest question facing us at this point was not "Who's gonna meet the most cuties," but rather "Who gets to meet them while on camera first?"

So we head out in North Beach with Joe on mic, me winging, and Ben catching all the action on film. We can't get but one block before Joe is opening a mixed 4 set standing on the corner outside a bar. Banter. Banter. Banter. And we're off. I love those random street sets; they can really make or break your night! This one was gonna be good!

We finally arrive at our destination and say what's up to our good friend, Jim, who is watching the door like usual. He always manages to tip us off as to whether or not there are a few cuties inside (remember, you are a cool, fun, social guy that talks to everyone… not just girls). Once inside… I spot her. She's a super cute, petite, little chick with dirty blonde hair and great breasts (HBpetite). I open as I'm passing by.

Me: Whoa! Better watch out… you're totally in my way right now!

HBPetite: What?!? (huge smile)

Me: Oh my god you we're totally just flirting with those two guys weren't you! Hey, get me a drink too! Jack and Coke…

HBPetite: What's your name?

Me: Are we gonna use real names or fake names?

HBPetite: What's my fake name?

Me: Well, I'm Vegas and you… you look like 'Bubbles' to me… (Sorry, Sean)

The two guys that she was talking to before I got there only tried to interject once; but I had hooked her and started reeling already. I don't even think she noticed, and I just played like I hadn't heard what they said either.

Continue to fluff talk and banter for the next 10 min or so and we mention that neither of us knows where all of our friends are. So we proceed to walk toward the back of the bar in search of all our friends. I tell her to take my hand so we don't get separated, but she doesn't, so I drop the issue. We take about five steps, and as she is much smaller than me, she can navigate through the crowd a little easier than I can. Not one second later, she realizes we are getting separated, so she reaches her hand out and grabs mine to pull me through the crowd with her.

We emerge on the other side of the bar and then… BAM! I am bombarded by 4 other girls. It quickly went from a lone wolf to a 5 set! All her friends had come out of the bathroom and wanted to know who this guy was with their girlfriend. I introduced myself to all of her friends and quickly started bantering with them so they would all know I was a fun playful guy.

Then she came in…

One of the girls opened me… a really hot blonde with great lips, smile, bright blue eyes (HBLips)…

HBLips: Hey; everyone tells me I look like Reese Witherspoon, Rebecca Romaine, or Cameron Diaz… what do you think?

Me: (At this point I don't really acknowledge her as I am still in conversation with the rest of the group)

HBLips: (She doesn't like me ignoring her and is persistent, so she asks me again)

Me: Well, I don't really see it with any of them, but if I had to choose one I'd say you've got the body of Rebecca. I think you look more like that girl from Austin Powers… what's her name?... Heather Graham!

HBLips: Oh my god… that's totally what I say; but no one's ever told me that…

Fluff for about two minutes more; then I suggest we go sit down on the couch nearby. She agrees that it's a great idea and we go sit down. Once there, I immediately transition into rapport. We talk about where we live, where we grew up, what we're doing now. I launch into my rapport story about a trip I took to Japan and climbed to the top of Mt. Fuji. The whole time I am holding her hand and she is playing incessantly with my fingers and squeezing my hand.

Then out of nowhere she says…

HBLips: I'm like 50% attracted to you, and 50% could see us as best friends… (pause)

Me: (pause… immediately switch to attraction material… smile): Oh my god… I'm so glad you said that cause I was just thinking the exact same thing!

*Bomb Defused*… moving on, back to rapport… continue on with rapport for awhile and she throws another one at me.

HBLips: I'm not gonna kiss you tonight. I used to do that in the past, but never met any cool guys after kissing them the same night we met.

Me: (Ignoring the last statement… continuing with conversation) Yeah, and I think we are going over to the Marina District a little later.

Eventually we stand to join the rest of her friends who have come back around and are hanging out in our general area. I find out that my wing had left the bar and was outside running street game at this point. I tell her that it's time for me to leave and she pauses, then asks me for my number. I give it to her, tell her to call me, then proceed to run phone game where I call her on the spot right there in the bar. We then make plans for a day 2 to get together this week. At which point, she goes for a hug goodbye and tells me:

HBLips: I want to kiss you right now, but only a small kiss on the lips.

Me: Sounds perfect to me.

We kiss. Then again. (Great lips btw… hence the name HBLips :-). I tell her to kiss me one more time. She does, and lingers for a little while to absorb the entire kiss and in hopes that I may go for a little more. We talk, kiss her good bye once more… then part ways…

Lessons

1. When bombarded by a bunch of girls who are friends with the girl you are in set with; it's almost like starting at ground zero. You have to run some attraction game to win over the friends as if it was a 5-set that you approached in the first place.

2. The best way to get past any statement like the 50% attracted one is to either agree with it, or don't even acknowledge it. Most guys will either try to argue, or convince her otherwise. You're better off just agreeing and moving on.

3. When a woman is saying things like I'm 50% attracted to you, and I'm not going to kiss you tonight; she is trying to rationalize to herself the attraction she feels for you. Just let her say these things, and work them out in her own head. It's likely she hasn't dealt with this kind of attraction before, so she doesn't know any other way to deal with it.

-Godfather

Direct Vs. Indirect

A great friend/PUA/Fellow PU101 Instructor, Joe (Hurricane) recently posted this on EBSS, and I felt it worthy of reposting here. So here it is:

"Direct vs. Indirect is a spectrum with total direct on one side and total indirect on the other. Most interactions fall somewhere in the middle. I have found that with most things in life, speaking in absolutes gets you in trouble; because absolutes are very rare. The only real distinction between the two is whether you communicate your intention or SUB-communicate your intention. But the point is that your interested in the girl and you're communicating that to her. How you decide to do that is preference.

If you watch any guy who is good at indirect (a.k.a. flirting), it's pretty obvious to EVERYONE that he is interested in her… just like it's obvious to EVERYONE when someone is using a direct approach that he is interested in her. One guy comes out and says it and uses he body language to communicate the sincerity about what he is communicating. The other guy completely denies it via words, but uses his sub-communication to let her know he's completely lying and does like her. One guy comes off powerful by being sincere; the other guy comes off powerful by being playful.

The mindset for guys is NO different though, because your intention is always the same. The key to both of these approaches is really the sub-communication. It's very easy to pick the words you're going to use. Guys fret over this all the time. It's usually completely irrelevant because the sub-communication dictates the true meaning of the message - either being sincere or playful.

This whole thing about good looking guys is silly too because you're looking at the situation from a very limited perspective. It's sort of like the debate above – it's not an absolute either way. I think most guys in the community will have the absolute profound belief that looks do NOT matter. I also think most guys outside of the community will say that is BS. Like above, I think its somewhere in the middle.

Good looking guys have an easier time with the first impression. I think a better looking guy has an easier approach, but it doesn't necessarily help in the long run. It just makes the open and approach easier. These guys are no better than any other guy with flirting, rapport or relationships because of their looks. When it comes to everything after the approach, it all comes down to your experience and skill.

The approach includes the first impression which also includes what you look like. What you look like is a combination of many things and says a lot about you. A guy who is genetically speaking, not the best looking, can still do a lot for himself by working out, getting a cool haircut, cool clothes, being incredibly clean (are you lick-able?), smelling good, and generally being aware of anything that has to do with appearance. Also included in this are mannerisms, body-language, and other non-verbal communications that people can make assessments about your confidence level. All of this adds up to the first impression. Being aware of things besides looks can take you extremely far.

Good-looking guys have a slight advantage, but this is the only spot in the interaction that looks really make a difference. Guys who practice ONLY approaching are screwed, in my opinion, if they ever do get in a relationship with a super hot girl. They will NOT be able to handle her. Every part of the relationship takes experience to get good at from the "approach" up to the "4 month conversation" all the way to the "break-up." YES, it does take a skill set to successful end a relationship.

Ladiesman, you have only done 100 or so direct approaches – Not really a good sample size. I think you would agree that with indirect, you don't get really good at the sub-communication until you hit the 1000 mark or so. You know this because you have done more than 1000 indirect approaches. Direct is the same way because it's a sub-communication skill.

There are tons of other relevant subtleties to all of this as well. For example, because you communicate your intention explicitly using direct, she will typically respond to you directly. Also because you communicate directly, she will be forced to give you a response.

With indirect approach girls typically respond indirectly – body-language, kino, etc. The subtleties of these interactions are complicated and take a lot of experience to be able to read them correctly. In the end though – you need to see her again. However you want to think about it, you directly state you intention at this point by day 2 closing her. At this point the cat is out of the bag. So, even the best indirect approach ends with some direct
communication.

I think both are extremely important sub-communication skills that everyone needs to develop. Sincerity is the cornerstone of rapport and really connecting with people. Being playful is the cornerstone of flirting and keeping your women attracted to you. Whichever strength you play up on the initial interaction is irrelevant because you will need to be good at both throughout the relationship.

So, what I'm saying…you need to learn how to communicate playfulness and sincerity and should practice them all. Practicing this on an approach is the best way. Once people meet you they start to learn your subtleties. If you can communicate to a complete stranger you interests using a playful or sincere approach, then you will able to communicate this to anyone which is where the true skills lies.

I'm rambling now…

Later,
Joe"

-Godfather