Direct Vs. Indirect

A great friend/PUA/Fellow PU101 Instructor, Joe (Hurricane) recently posted this on EBSS, and I felt it worthy of reposting here. So here it is:

"Direct vs. Indirect is a spectrum with total direct on one side and total indirect on the other. Most interactions fall somewhere in the middle. I have found that with most things in life, speaking in absolutes gets you in trouble; because absolutes are very rare. The only real distinction between the two is whether you communicate your intention or SUB-communicate your intention. But the point is that your interested in the girl and you're communicating that to her. How you decide to do that is preference.

If you watch any guy who is good at indirect (a.k.a. flirting), it's pretty obvious to EVERYONE that he is interested in her… just like it's obvious to EVERYONE when someone is using a direct approach that he is interested in her. One guy comes out and says it and uses he body language to communicate the sincerity about what he is communicating. The other guy completely denies it via words, but uses his sub-communication to let her know he's completely lying and does like her. One guy comes off powerful by being sincere; the other guy comes off powerful by being playful.

The mindset for guys is NO different though, because your intention is always the same. The key to both of these approaches is really the sub-communication. It's very easy to pick the words you're going to use. Guys fret over this all the time. It's usually completely irrelevant because the sub-communication dictates the true meaning of the message - either being sincere or playful.

This whole thing about good looking guys is silly too because you're looking at the situation from a very limited perspective. It's sort of like the debate above – it's not an absolute either way. I think most guys in the community will have the absolute profound belief that looks do NOT matter. I also think most guys outside of the community will say that is BS. Like above, I think its somewhere in the middle.

Good looking guys have an easier time with the first impression. I think a better looking guy has an easier approach, but it doesn't necessarily help in the long run. It just makes the open and approach easier. These guys are no better than any other guy with flirting, rapport or relationships because of their looks. When it comes to everything after the approach, it all comes down to your experience and skill.

The approach includes the first impression which also includes what you look like. What you look like is a combination of many things and says a lot about you. A guy who is genetically speaking, not the best looking, can still do a lot for himself by working out, getting a cool haircut, cool clothes, being incredibly clean (are you lick-able?), smelling good, and generally being aware of anything that has to do with appearance. Also included in this are mannerisms, body-language, and other non-verbal communications that people can make assessments about your confidence level. All of this adds up to the first impression. Being aware of things besides looks can take you extremely far.

Good-looking guys have a slight advantage, but this is the only spot in the interaction that looks really make a difference. Guys who practice ONLY approaching are screwed, in my opinion, if they ever do get in a relationship with a super hot girl. They will NOT be able to handle her. Every part of the relationship takes experience to get good at from the "approach" up to the "4 month conversation" all the way to the "break-up." YES, it does take a skill set to successful end a relationship.

Ladiesman, you have only done 100 or so direct approaches – Not really a good sample size. I think you would agree that with indirect, you don't get really good at the sub-communication until you hit the 1000 mark or so. You know this because you have done more than 1000 indirect approaches. Direct is the same way because it's a sub-communication skill.

There are tons of other relevant subtleties to all of this as well. For example, because you communicate your intention explicitly using direct, she will typically respond to you directly. Also because you communicate directly, she will be forced to give you a response.

With indirect approach girls typically respond indirectly – body-language, kino, etc. The subtleties of these interactions are complicated and take a lot of experience to be able to read them correctly. In the end though – you need to see her again. However you want to think about it, you directly state you intention at this point by day 2 closing her. At this point the cat is out of the bag. So, even the best indirect approach ends with some direct
communication.

I think both are extremely important sub-communication skills that everyone needs to develop. Sincerity is the cornerstone of rapport and really connecting with people. Being playful is the cornerstone of flirting and keeping your women attracted to you. Whichever strength you play up on the initial interaction is irrelevant because you will need to be good at both throughout the relationship.

So, what I'm saying…you need to learn how to communicate playfulness and sincerity and should practice them all. Practicing this on an approach is the best way. Once people meet you they start to learn your subtleties. If you can communicate to a complete stranger you interests using a playful or sincere approach, then you will able to communicate this to anyone which is where the true skills lies.

I'm rambling now…

Later,
Joe"

-Godfather